How to make a flight attendant’s day (and yours in the process).

It’s traveling season. Everyone and everything will likely be insane at the airport.

So, I’ll share with you tip that make some people’s day and possibly upgrade your airline experience at the same time. This tip was taught to me by the illustratious Brad Moore, who is a kind and smart man and also a contender for the Mars 100 project to save the human race.

It’s so simple and human; it’s mindboggling.

The next time you get through security at the airport, go and buy some chocolates. Get the nice ones. Don’t scrimp. You’ll probably pay $20 or so for a decent-sized box that a group of people could share.

Take the box of chocolates on-board your flight. Find the head flight attendant (known as the bursar) or the flight attendant who works in your seat section. When he or she has a moment of downtime, offer them the chocoaltes and say something like, “Hey, I know it’s a long flight, so I bought some chocolates for the crew to share. Just wanted to say thank you.”

At ‘worst,’ they will thank you and that will be that. And you have just made someone’s day.

At ‘best,’ you will be upgraded to first class and treated like a the second coming.

Is this slightly transactional? Yes.

Do I honestly mind when I get nothing in return? No.

Does it always work? 90% of the time they will pamper you will free treats and booze. Once as I was deplaning, a flight attendant gave me a giant bag full of two champagne bottles and about 10 of those little booze bottles jiggling around.

Is this manipulative? You decide.

But, I think it’s a kind deed that helps all. My aunt has been a flight attendant with American Airlines for 35 years or so, and she tells me horror stories of how passengers treat her these days and how monotonous and rule regulated the job has become. On my recent flight to San Diego from JFK, I had my chocolates on-hand. At the gate, a supervisor announces to all the passengers waiting to board that it is Samantha’s 25th anniversary of flying with Delta. The crowd half-heartedly applauds; she looks almost embarrassed. But when the clammor dies down; I don’t even hesitate. I walk to her and say, “Here’s some chocolates and congratulations.” She was flabbergasted. She proceeded to get me so drunk on free booze on that flight, I had to stumble off the plane, a lush smile plastered across my face.

Cheers.

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Written by

Performer, storyteller, teacher - living in NYC and traveling worldwide (www.philipmarkle.com). Artistic Director of The Brooklyn Comedy Collective.

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